Sometimes I Hate to Love You
by bluephoenixsong
Summary: What went through Ryan Wolfe's head that first year with the woman who would someday become his wife? What were his fears and wants? Rated M for mild adult themes.
1. Hello

**This isn't the next story in my Jessica/Ryan series. I'd like to get a little more of the ending done and finish editing the beginning chapters, because it's a reaaalllly long story. I might even break it down into two, since it's so long. But to help with my faithful reader's addictions, I'm uploading this. It's a very short writing prompt. I had writer's block way back when, and so I sat down and just kind of wrote whatever came to mind. Some of these passages actually helped develop chapters that I later wrote, and made me add an additional chapter to a story. **

**I also sincerely apologize to everyone who's about to have their email blown up with uploads from me. .  
**

**I hope everyone enjoys it! : ) ~Blue**

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_What went through Ryan Wolfe's head that first year with the woman who would someday become his wife? What were his fears and wants?_

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Hello

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You hold his hand and press your body close to his. Your eyes light up when you say his name.

It makes me jealous. I hardly know you and I wish I knew you like you know him. I don't know what it is about you that makes my heart start hammering in my chest. I want you so bad.

Sometimes I want more.


	2. Wanting You

Wanting You

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We're kissing. We're on the couch in my apartment. You're jerking me off while I run my tongue through your mouth and my hands under your shirt. Then I'm inside you. God you feel so good. You say something hurts and I stop. Then you let me start again. I'm a little scared because I don't want to hurt you, but you assure me everything's fine now. We're together for so long, but I don't mind. I feel so complete with you. You're the piece of me that's been missing for so long. I'm sad to see it end, but I knew it was going to happen. I hold you in my arms. You fall asleep. I want to be with you, but I know I shouldn't. You whimper and I hold you close. I tell you I'll always be there for you and you stop crying.

Sometimes I want what I can't have.


	3. Not a Good Idea

**This chapter I wrote and then turned around and immediately wrote chapter 20 "Sebastian" of "Something about You." Yeah, I've had these sitting around that long.**

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Not a Good Idea

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He's looking at you. I don't like it. He's eyeing you over like a piece of meat. You smile at him and touch his arm. I can see the blush form on his cheeks even with his dark skin. He's told me he would like to get to know you on a personal basis. I tell him that's not a good idea. I don't tell him it's because you're already mine.

Sometimes I'm too possessive.


	4. Disturbed

Disturbed

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You pull open the shower curtain and stare at me naked. I thought you were someone else for a moment. You tell me how hot it would be to watch me and him shower together. I don't understand. The thought disturbs me, but I don't let on just how much. You tell me how hot you think they are. You try to assure me that I'm the only one for you. I can't help but wonder though.

Sometimes I don't understand you.


	5. Someone Else

Someone Else

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You're dancing with him. Your body pressed so close to his, rubbing your hips against his. It disgusts me. You could have asked me but you went for him instead. It makes my blood boil to see you with him. What's so great about him anyways? I thought you loved me.

Sometimes you make me mad.


	6. Don't Want To

Don't Want To

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You're dying. That's what she tells me. You're dying and it's my fault. I have to tell you good-bye. But I don't want to. I want you to come back to me. I know it's selfish and you're in pain. You're probably better off dead anyways. I can't let you leave me though. I know I won't make it in this world alone. I know you're the half of my soul I've been looking for. I need you.

Sometimes I hate saying good-bye.


	7. Look at Me

**Here's the second half of the story. I decided not to blow up everyone's emails too much.**

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Look at Me

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He's right there. I don't know what comes over me but I want to hurt him. I want him to know how much I'm hurting. I beat him. I hit him so many times that my soda goes flat. His blood coats the bottom of my bottle and drips onto the floor. I stare into his eyes because I want the last thing he sees in this world before he leaves to be me.

Sometimes I do bad things because of you.


	8. Tell Me

Tell Me

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I love you still. I tell you every time I see you. I look into your eyes and I tell you I love you. Every time you look at me with a blank stare. Sometimes I think you're going to tell me you love me back, but you never do. I want to know you still love me. I just need to hear you say those three small words. It would ease my soul to hear you say it. Please just tell me. It's been weeks since you were kidnapped and the trial has been over for almost two weeks. I just need to know you still love me. I can see it in your eyes but I need to hear it. I need you to acknowledge it.

Sometimes I need to hear your voice.


	9. Make it Stop

Make it Stop

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You're leaving me. You tell me it's for the best, that this is how it has to be. I don't believe you. I know we can get through this. I need you. I find the presents I've given you in my locker. It hurts me. Your father takes me home. I think he knows. He finds me in the bathroom. He knew all along. He knew I was going to do it. He stops me. He holds me in his arms as I cry myself to sleep that first night without you. I wish I were dead. At least then I wouldn't have to bare this pain any longer.

Sometimes I don't want to live without you anymore.


	10. Hurt Me, Love Me

Hurt Me, Love Me

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I'm standing there, outside on the stairs. I watch them take him away. I look at my world now. It's one without you. I couldn't keep you. Now I have to learn to live without you. It sucks. I see a blue SUV drive through the parking lot. It stops at the curb, one tire on the sidewalk. Someone gets out and runs in front of it. There you are. You look at me like you don't know who I am. You're running towards me, no, to me. I stand there. I don't know what to do. I run to you. I need you. You're in my arms. You're kissing me and telling me you love me. You say you're sorry and ask me to forgive you. I don't know if I can, but I agree to anyways. You hurt me so bad but I love you so much.

Sometimes I hate to love you.


	11. All Night Long

**Random Fact: This chapter doesn't coincidence directly with any other chapter I've written. It's just kind of generic. So use your imagination and insert it where ever you want.**

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All Night Long

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We're in bed. You're bouncing on top of me as you impale yourself again and again. God, you're so hot. I've missed this so much, connecting with you. You kiss me and pinch my nipples. I arch my back and feel myself cum. You crawl off me, but you don't lie next to me. Your mouth is around me now, making me hard again. You say you want to go again. I don't mind. I could go all night if it means staying with you.

Sometimes I just need you.


	12. Good-Bye

Good-Bye

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You're dead. At least that's what everyone is saying. Your father lets me stand next to him at your memorial service. After he allows your brother the chance to hold the flag he lets me hold it. I press it against my chest and I smell it. I don't understand how but it smells like you. I know the coffin is empty. They never found your body. The coffin is just for show. I don't believe you're dead. I know you're alive. I can feel it. My soul is still out there somewhere. I just need to find you again.

Sometimes I need to know the truth.

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**And that's the end. Sorry, told you it was short. :\**

**Peace out! ~KC  
**


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